On the Death of Diane McIver
The restaurants housed in country clubs are an entirely different animal than your typical standalone eatery. I've spoken before about my thoughts on regulars, and in a country club setting, all of the guests are regulars. The clientele paid a lot of money for the privilege of repeatedly dining in an atmosphere of elegance and exclusivity. Some members dine out at a particular club restaurant several times in one week, and as such, the staff begins to learn a lot about them.
Some facts about guests trickle down in an obvious manner: they tell us about their career, their family and their interests in casual table-side chit chat. Management supports this collection of information -- for professional reasons, of course. A dossier of sorts is kept for each guest, with their individual preferences. A certain couple had extremely specific instructions regarding the construction of their martinis, and wanted them brought to the table as soon as they sat down. Another lady required a pillow at her chair before she was seated. Some customers had a small file consisting of a few sentences. Others had paragraphs written about their many idiosyncrasies. Particularly finicky guests were labelled "DBDD," which stood for "Double-Black Double-Diamond." Think of a black diamond ski slope: interacting with DBDD's is equally treacherous.
Other, rather personal information is obtained more subtly. I've learned a lot from eavesdropping, because rich people love to talk shit on each other. When I'm refilling the water glasses or pouring the wine, I'm listening to every word. I've picked up on catty conversations regarding friendships gone sour, and juicy gossip about which member they really think has the most money. Politics often comes up, and I know which way a lot of members lean.
Working at a country club means you get to know your guests, for better or worse.
September 25, 2016, was an especially hot fall day in central Georgia. Claud "Tex" McIver and his wife, Diane, were driving home to Atlanta from their ranch in Putnam County, Georgia. After spending the weekend there among their Texas Longhorn cattle, they headed west on Interstate-20 with Diane's best friend, Dani Jo Carter. Ms. Carter was behind the wheel, because unlike the McIvers, she hadn't had any wine with dinner. She exited the interstate when they hit traffic, and what happened next isn't entirely clear.
Craig Schneider of the Atlanta-Journal Constitution initially reported statements from a family friend that Claud McIver didn't feel safe in the Edgewood neighborhood of Atlanta, because of reports of Black Lives Matter protests in the area. Later, those claims were refuted by Mr. McIver's attorney, Stephen Maples: it wasn't the protesters, but rather homeless people "milling about" that put Mr. McIver on edge.
Either way, Claud McIver ended up holding the gun he stored in the center console of his car. It was wrapped in a plastic bag from the Publix grocery store. Dani Jo Carter says they were sitting at a red light when the gun went off. Claud McIver has stated that he was asleep and awakened by a bump in the road when he accidentally fired his weapon. Who knows. What we do know is that the bullet tore through the front passenger's seat, and directly into Diane McIver's back, damaging her diaphragm, adrenal gland, left kidney, pancreas, and stomach.
According to Natalie Rubino of Atlanta's CBS news affiliate, no one in the car called 911. The SUV drove by three close hospitals in favor of Emory Hospital, widely considered one of the top medical facilities in the south. The lack of professional medical advice and the lengthier trip to obtain proper care may be what cost Diane McIver her life. She died on the operating table in the early morning hours of Monday, September 26.
A week later, my husband and I were throwing a dinner party with a group of my friends in the food and beverage industry. We had agreed to pitch in to purchase a double magnum of 1997 Pio Cesare Barolo, and a menu featuring Italian food was created around the wine. On October 3, the double magnum was opened and our dinner guests' conversation naturally led to the news of the killing of someone we had all waited on.
It required a special pouring cradle.
I don't get the newspaper, so I was behind. Adding to my cluelessness was the fact that I am simply not good with names. As the gossip and conjecture regarding Diane McIver's death began to fly around me, I decided to do a google news search of her name to see if that refreshed my memory.
Oh right, she was beautiful. I'm ashamed to say that among restaurant workers, the pretty guests stick out. And yes, I had served her several times at two different restaurants. That baller table who kept me late one night after they had won big at the races? Diane McIver was the hostess.
Diane McIver (Photo Credit: LinkedIn)
Dinner and dessert came and went, but all I found myself consuming was any article I could find about her death. The story was full of intrigue and led to so many unanswered questions. I strained to remember the details of the last time I had served them, and I couldn't ignore the contrast between the elegant environment in which I had always known them, and the bloody details of her last hours.
Remember that in October of last year we were coming upon a major election, and themes of race, feminism, wealth and status were everywhere in the news. Locally, I mulled over every story regarding Diane McIver's death while processing the national accounts of Black Lives Matter protests and a man saying it's okay to grab a woman by her pussy if you're famous.
I am a feminist in that I think women and men should be given equal rights and opportunities. With the candidacy of Hillary Clinton and the rise in people proudly proclaiming themselves to be feminist, I was introduced to the term "intersectionality." Intersectionality is the understanding that people from different backgrounds experience discrimination in different ways, and to acknowledge the struggle of one section of people simply isn't enough. White women experience gender discrimination in a different way than black women do -- racism and sexism intersect. Straight women feel oppressed differently than LGBTQ women do -- sexism and homophobia intersect. The underlying problem of bigotry bleeds out into many forms of hatred, and must be fought on all fronts.
The facts of Mrs. McIver's shooting, along with the national climate and my thoughts on intersectionality swirled around in my head like an obsession. Then it hit me: much of what I care about politically and the problems I see facing our country were distilled into this one event. What happened the night of September 25 embodied the issues of the nation at large, in a woman slumped over in the passenger seat of an SUV in Atlanta.
Make no mistake: Claud McIver came right out of central casting for your typical southern Republican. He was raised in Texas, swilled bourbon, was employed as a lawyer and heavily involved in Republican politics. Driving by his ranch in Putnam County, one could often see his Texas Longhorn cattle grazing in the sun. For 1.3 million dollars, he built a barn on the property with stables for his cows and sleeping quarters for his guests. Also included? A saloon. A saloon.
"Tex," a saloon, Longhorn cattle...I see no problem with people living their lives as a caricature as long as they don't negatively impact the lives of others. The problem is, it's alleged that the shooting of his wife wasn't the first time Claud McIver improperly wielded his gun. In 1990 he released two dogs on a car of three teens who had the audacity to be parked in the cul-de-sac outside of his home. Y'all -- he released the hounds, that ultimate stereotype of privileged white male villainy, a lá the character of Mr. Burns from the Simpsons. When the dogs weren't sufficient, the teens allege that McIver took his gun and fired shots at the vehicle. He was charged criminally and a grand jury found probable cause to indict him, but the parties settled the matter out of court. Money can make a lot of problems disappear...at least for a while.
It was only the news of his wife's death that caused Mr. McIver's past to come back to haunt him. No, the fact that he was charged with shooting a gun at a car full of unarmed teens didn't prohibit him from becoming a successful lawyer, or even from gaining a seat on the American Bar Association's Standing Committee on Gun Violence. The committee's purpose? To reduce "gun violence through education, activation, and legislation." Never mind that Mr. McIver's presumed past actions were in direct opposition to said goal: he was white, well-connected, and wealthy.
Assuming he didn't premeditate the killing of his wife, it's not unreasonable to conclude that an elitist mindset certainly helped lead to her death. Despite his lawyer's protests, some people do believe that he pulled out a gun because of Black Lives Matter demonstrations in the area that weekend. If that were indeed the case, then he'd be guilty of a racist and inappropriate response to the gathering of people of color. Black people are not inherently dangerous. Reaching for a gun when confronted with a group of them is prejudice in action.
Even giving Claud McIver the benefit of the doubt and believing his attorney's claim that it wasn't protesters but rather "homeless people" that he feared begs the questions, "What color were these homeless people? And why the gun?" It was reported that no one approached their vehicle, and that no one posed a serious threat to anyone in the car. Pair this instance with the charges brought against him in 1990, and you have two documented cases alleging that when Claud McIver perceives a threat, his modus operandi is to brandish a weapon. Nevermind that those "threats" are teenage kids, or the poor. Bang, bang. And if his wife should be seriously injured by Claud McIver's gun in an ethnically diverse neighborhood? Well, it seems that he would rather not call for professional help or rush to the nearest doctor. No, he would pass hospital, after hospital, after hospital...and head to Emory, where all the wealthy white folks go. Only the best for Diane.
And how do I think all of this connects to feminism? Frankly, in the United States, guns are a threat to the safety of women and children.
- American women are 16 times MORE LIKELY to die by gun violence than women in other developed nations.
- American children are 17 times MORE LIKELY to die by gun violence than children in other industrialized nations.
- In 52% of deaths where women are killed by a gun, the person pulling the trigger is an intimate partner or family member.
- The leading cause of death for pregnant women in the United States is homicide by an intimate partner. It's the number one cause, before complications from pregnancy or car accidents. In other words, some men think women are good enough to fuck, but have to be shot when that leads to pregnancy and inevitable responsibility.
Men can go on and on about how they want to keep a gun in the house to "protect their family," but that is an abstract, unsubstantiated idea they have in their head. The statistics -- the facts of keeping a gun in the home -- simply do not back up their desire to be the hero. GUNS IN THIS COUNTRY ARE KILLING INNOCENT WOMEN AND CHILDREN. When a man keeps a gun in his house -- my husband, included -- he is telling whoever lives with him that his fantasy of "saving the day" is more important than a woman's reality of knowing that a gun in the house is dangerous for her and her children.
I know what people will say in response to the above paragraph -- Sarah, do you think your husband might kill you with his guns? And the answer to that question is brought into such clear relief with the case of Diane McIver's death. Yes, he might! Any woman living with a gun in their house is also living in denial if they think that deaths like these happen only to "other" people. IT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU. While everyone is busy debating whether or not Claud McIver meant to murder his wife Diane, I state simply this: she is dead just the same, another woman brought down by a firearm in America. At worst, Claud McIver is a cold-blooded killer who wanted to off his wife in a way that could be disguised as an accident. At best, he's a sleepy old man who lived under the same delusion swirling around the heads of so many men who cling to their guns. "This steel in my hand will protect us," they say, as a bullet accidentally shot tears through the gut of a woman or child they love.
That is where it all intersects. The tragic loss of Diane McIver's life was brought about by a patriarchal society that puts the desires of white men above all else. Claud McIver has a history of raising money for white Republican politicians who are in the pocket of the gun lobby. Increased gun sales equals more money for the gun companies, which are by and large run by white men, who will in turn give more money to white male politicians so that they all can keep their grip on the power and wealth in this country. What is it that Charlton Heston said at a rally of the National Rifle Association? "From my cold, dead hands?" He was waving around a rifle, but that rifle symbolized the stronghold that people who look like him have on our society. Claud McIver rode this paradigm to riches and notoriety, but this mindset proved to be misguided. What greater proof is there than the fact that the black people in the street proved harmless but the gun in his hand killed his wife?
One of the most frustrating things about the patriarchy is that it's so old and so entrenched that we don't even notice it anymore. It's normalized, so women and minorities buy into it, too. Diane McIver was a wildly successful businesswoman in her own right, but it's entirely likely that she was complicit in keeping guns in their home because the all-powerful white male mentality is that you have to watch out for "the other," or they're gonna take what you have. It's possible that people in the street spooked her, too, and she handed off the weapon that would kill her to the man in the back seat.
And what have we as a nation of women gained from turning a blind eye to the fact that bigotry exists, and firearms are killing us to the tally of 50 women a month? I'll tell you: we've gained the view of a gun barrel.
Country clubs enchant with their starched linen, personalized service, and champagne glasses clinking mid-toast. Life inside is a bubble, and people feel insulated against opposing viewpoints. As I pour the wine, I hear rich white men rail against gun control. I struggle to keep a straight face as I overhear one exclaim, "They only voted for Obama because he's black!" The bigotry and the misogyny are obvious side effects of their desperate, desperate struggle to keep control in a world they know is changing.
And me? I'm a white woman living a charmed life. Not only have I worked in country clubs, but I dine in them as well. The privilege of my life is a powerful drug, but I realize the bubble is a fool's paradise. The problems of racism and sexism undeniably exist and there is no enclave into which they cannot reach. I hope that the death of Diane McIver heralds the arrival of our consciousness at a different type of intersection: one in which the concrete realities of these struggles meets decisive action on all of our parts.
***The statements in this post describing the events of September 25 and 26, 2016 are from the linked media reports and are not intended to make any assertions of fact or conclusions beyond which are included in the media reports themselves.***
